Who even am I?
Spouse, job title, family member. We're bombarded with identities from our first breath, but what happens when we lose sight of who we think we are, who we've been told we are, when the roles change?
This is exactly what happened to me. The stable, reliable, set-your-watch-by girl whose world turned upside down. It started with a marriage break-up, it sounds like a big thing but it wasn't really, but it was enough to make me lose sight of who I even was.
“It was a crazy year. It's like I made up for the previous 9 years in that one, and the saddest part is that I don't remember much, aside from desperately wanting to feel 'something'.”
The details of my year of madness aren't relevant for this post, but it was the year I realised how important identity was. It started with taking back my maiden name and it grew to be something so much more.
It was a crazy year. It's like I made up for the previous 9 years in that one, and the saddest part is that I don't remember much, aside from desperately wanting to feel 'something'. That and truly understanding what it was like to feel lost, alone, broken and questioning my existence.
Then and now
I learnt a lot about myself in the years that followed but if I could have fast-tracked that process, cut out some of the hurt, the broken heart I had which had nothing to do with my ex-husband, I would have; and that is part of what I want to help you to do - break-up related or otherwise.
The photos above show the me of then, and two of my crutches, I'm not proud of them but life isn't always a highlight reel.
So whilst I continue to share the journey of how I came to be here writing to you now, know that if you are going through something that makes you question your very being you are not alone.
It does get better.
And you have a place to be, you are here.
If you're needing someone to hear you, someone to let you know you are seen, you can find it by writing to me here.
If you liked these musings, you can have this and so much more delivered to your inbox every fortnight by letting me know here.
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