• Vicky Murray

Help! I'm having an identity crisis

Updated: Jul 2, 2021

Doesn't look like I need much help right? I'm smiling, the camera would suggest I'm a Photographer. Life looks good. But what about when you remove that camera? Then who or what do I become?

Got you thinking? Good, that was the plan! See, that camera is still there, I'm still a Photographer. The thing I've realised though is that we all get too hung up on labels, especially those we give ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as bad as everyone else. For years I'd open with my job title when people asked who I was and what I did. It was the conditioning that I'd grown up with that had become instinct. But really, it made me think who am I?

The first big change

This last thought, the 'who am I?', didn't really hit home until I found myself separated and going through a divorce at 26. The plan I'd mapped out disintegrated and I found myself questioning everything! I still remember being stood in a shop ordering clothes and freezing when they asked for my address - thankfully my amazing friend stepped in and gave hers (thanks Angie).

That period of my life taught me a lot. I started to realise how much bigger I was than this label I had given myself of 'wife' and 'career choice'. I was a person. I had many layers and I wanted out of this box.

Eyes wide open

I started noticing how people referred to me and how I had started putting myself in boxes. 'Vicky's changed her hair colour again', 'going on a coffee run? Vicky will have one', or my favourite from my Mum 'I saw these really high shoes the other day and I thought "oh, they're Vicky shoes'. Since when did I become defined by shoes and my choice of drink or hair colour?

Once you realise this, the changes we go through, the different versions of us, they become easier to navigate and welcome. Well, ok, you're unlikely to ever 'welcome' divorce, but the other things - career changes, lifestyle changes, choices of hair colour or drinks, they are good changes. But these changes do not need to mean an identity crisis. These changes are what add to our identity, what make us these interesting, unique, loveable humans.

Be you

So with that crisis averted and thoroughly deconstructed, I want you to know that you can be whoever you want to be, however you want to be them. You don't have to 'become' someone or 'find yourself', you are exactly perfect as you are. If you fancy a change, go for it, but remember you are the one in control. You decide the direction of your Journey.

You are exceptional, worthy and capable of anything you can dream. And if you need a reminder of that or just someone to listen, remember I am here for you and you can talk to me here.


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