• Vicky Murray

Come as you are

Updated: Jul 2, 2021

Now. Always. Be you. Be gloriously and unapologetically you. Come as you are, as a friend. Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours.

Lyrics from an amazing Nirvana song and one I can't get out of my head. Why? Because I keep asking, when was the last time it felt ok to go anywhere and show up 'as you are?'

As I'm what?

Stick with me. Think about it. Back in the days where we ventured further than the aisles of the supermarket for our weekly shop, how much angst did you put yourself through before showing up? Before going to work? That party? A networking event? A date!

I'm as guilty as the next person. I spent years practically BEGGING for elocution lessons as a Christmas present (true fact). I felt so hamstrung by how I spoke and other peoples judgements because of that, I let it hold me back and quiet me. Literally. Same for how I looked, what I thought, and how I felt.

Thing is, not only was I holding myself back, I was holding others back too. How could they know what I could be or do for them if I couldn't be 'me'?

Making the change

And then I met a boy. Well, actually a man, one that liked me for - wait for it - ME!

Now, this man did not stay in my life, not everyone is meant to, but I remember the nervous feeling of dread I had when I first took him to my family home.

Some context. He was from the north of England and his family were very 'comfortable' or, if you use my terms, posh' (although lovely). I, on the other hand, am the furthest you could get from posh and I was taking this innocent to a south London council estate where he stood out a mile, and not just because of his super tall good-looking self!

Anyhow, digression over. The a-ha moment for me? He didn't treat me, my family, or where I grew up any different to how he treated his own home and family. There were no snide remarks about my concrete jungle, no glances or gasps when Dad spoke in his Scaffolder speak, and no surprise when I easily slipped back into my native south London twang.

He even seemed to like my little world.

The point of the flashback

I was the one who needed to learn. Who needed to show up as she was and do so unashamedly. I hadn't realised it until then, but I had learnt to feel ashamed of where I came from (because of a very different boy and family), who I am, even though I'm not ashamed. What a contradiction!

By having a chance to look at something fresh. For being accepted as 'me' for the first time, it opened my eyes to what else I had been keeping closed off from the world.

Everything I had that could be of use. That could make an impact. That could help.

Your personal invitation

If you haven't had your own a-ha moment yet, consider this your personal invitation to it. You don't need to wait for the boy or girl to come into your life and point it out, I want you to come and show up as you are RIGHT NOW.

I want you to grab a drink that YOU love and sit and share it with me. Start now and share with me here a little about you. Who are you? Where are you reading this from? How will you come as you are from now on?


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